Thursday, November 12, 2009

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”
~Woody Allen

Thanksgiving~ Things I'm Grateful For

Sometimes instead of being grateful for what we have we start off by thinking about what we don't have. When in fact each of us has so much to be thankful for if we take the time to see the simple and usually the most important things in life.
Some of the simple things that I am thankful for are: Sunshine, Flowers, The Ocean, Being able to Run, and Being able to laugh at myself.
My greatest gift in life are my 2 beautiful daughters. My family. My mom who is so patient and has taught me how to love and forgive unconditionally. My Dad who is always optimistic and thinking about the positive things that he wants to do. (If you can't Dream it, you wont Do It). My 2 sisters who have become my best friends and aren't afraid to tell me when I'm right and when I'm wrong. I am also thankful for the heartaches that I have had in my life. Those times teach you to be thankful for the good times. You can usually learn something about yourself as well.
During this holiday, I hope that you will take the time to see how lucky you are. Even if you feel like your missing out on lots of stuff, that's not what life is about. Its the simple things that make it so sweet!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Audrey Hepburn "Breakfast At Tiffany's"

Busy Mommy

It has been what I would call an extremely unexpected sort of busy. I guess, the saying is true. "God Doesn't Give YOU Anything You Can't Handle". Honestly, I wish he didn't think so highly of me. I recently am pretty much unemployed. My current job cut my hours so low that I actually qualify for unemployment benefits. Well, isn't that great? Not really. It sucks. I've applied so may places, and you think as a Nurse that work would be so easy to come by and it is by far the complete opposite. I'm trying to stay positive and know that there is something absolutely amazing waiting for me. Whatever that is, could it get here already???
The girls are a busy all by themselves. My oldest has moved out on her own. I guess my No Rent, No bills, 1:30 am curfew was just too restrictive. It will be a great lesson on to be learned. Yes, I may have a bit of an issue with her leaving the nest, but it's better than than the constant battle we seemed to have. So, she goes out in the big, big world.
My little one is a happy 7th grader, and starting to become interested in all the "he said, she said" at school. Completely normal. The joys of junior high.
The boy situation is pretty stagnate at this point. I see Mr. 7 every now and then. But recently he was somewhat upset over the fact that my X needed to speak to me in person and i obliged. Didn't see the need to have extra drama with "baby daddy". Too him I was "giving into him" "catering to him". Really? I don't see it that way. How about this; If I can get along with the X, why not??? We have a child that doesn't need any animosity between her parents who both love her and want the best. So I saw the X in person and he thought we could just talked on the phone. Whatever? I don't have time to defend stupid issues like that. It is what it is? He will always be her dad and if I choose to get along with him and you can't handle it, then maybe you need to get along.
So that's the update in a condensed version.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz

1. Be impeccable with your words- Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.
2. Don't take anything personally- Nothings others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.
3. Don't make assumptions- Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want.
4. Always do your best- Your best will change from moment to moment. Under any circumstances, do your best.

Law of Attraction

Lately, Ive been doing quite a bit of reading regarding the Law of Attraction. Simply put, the Law of Attraction rewards an emotion with an emotion. The reward of hate is hate, and the reward of love is love. We can all live the life we choose to live by attracting what it is that we desire. Its as simple as waking up and making a choice to be happy. To understand that you cannot allow other peoples actions to determine how you feel. We cannot take things personally. Humans are creatures of habit. With certain emotions we always react the same way and yet we wonder why the outcome isnt different. In order to break the habit you need to stop and acknowledge emotions as soon as we feel them. Analyze our emotions. Ask ourselves why we feel a certain way. Think about options before reacting. Then make a choice. A confident choice. In return confidence rewards confidence. It takes time and the ability to recognize your feelings. Ensure that the emotions you choose to release are positive ones. Make choices that will make your life for the better.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

"Remember, if you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!" ~Allison Gappa Bottke

Sunday, September 13, 2009


At some point in your life you have to take full responsibility for the relationships that you have with others. We cannot expect people to be the source of our happiness. If you want something, ask. If your unhappy in a situation, change it. Don't let frustration or anger build up inside because your needs are not being met. Unfortunately, there are times that you have to step away from something good because you now that the ultimate result is less than what you desire or deserve. Its like putting water instead of gas in your car and expecting it to run. You intentions are good, but it will never work.
With that being said, I finally put it all out there with Mr.7. I think that after 7 months we should know where we are going. I don't want to be a serial dater. I want a commitment. A man that adores me. A man that is completely honest and open with his feelings about me. My feelings for him are becoming too strong to let things go the way that they are. He is amazing and great too me when we are together, but apart I have no idea where or what he is doing. I don't need to know it all. I'm not a jealous person. But am I the one he wants to be with ? I don't know. He doesn't tell me his plans, wishes or desires. That doesn't work for me. I deserve to be in a relationship where both people are mutually invested. I want it all and it should be simple and easy. No fighting. No conflict. No drama.
I gave him a letter that was very clear in what I wanted. I let him know that if I'm not the one, that is okay as well. I know its out there for me, and I refuse to settle for anything less than what I deserve. So I wait. I let him ponder, read and maybe even re-read. We will see.

You Deserve The Best

"Living with integrity means: not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it may cause conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe"
~Barbara De Angelis

"Happy" by Leona Lewis

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You cant have everything

Dont you take chances
You might feel the pain
Dont you love in vain
cause love wont set you free

I cant stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what it I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Dont care about all the pain in front of me
I just trying to be happy
I just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
just cant let go
just trying to play my role
slowly disappear

But all these days
They feel like theyre theyre same
Just different faces
different place
Get me out of here

I cant stand by the side
Ooh, no
And watch this life pass me by
Pass me by

So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge?
my feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
dont care about all the pain in front of me
Im just trying to be happy

Oh, happy

So when it turns that I can see???
This rope??
Dont say anything

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge?
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Dont care about all the pain in front of me
I just wanna be happy
I just wanna be
I just wanna be

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Listen Up Kids

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
~Shel Silverstein

I Couldn't Agree More

What You Thought You Wanted, Isn't

I know its been about 10 days since my last entry and quite a bit has happened. Last time we chatted I was in Awe of a past high school friend who seemed almost perfect. Well, not so much. We had a movie date and when I thought things were moving nicely, I get a call from him saying that he felt he owed it too his x-wife to give it 1 more try. What could I say other than "go for it". Anyway, that didn't work out for him and he still occasionally texts. For me, I'm over him in a romantic way. That was it. He obviously is confused and still loves his wife. I don't want to be in that triangle. The flip side goes like this. After a 2 week break from Mr. 7 and me thinking maybe he's NOT for me, he has me thinking maybe he IS.... Something about him is different. Very affectionate. Verbal. Sweet. He knows that I was pulling away and knows me well enough to know why. I havn't said anything about my discontent with our relationship. But seeing him the last 2 times had been very positive. I think I will give him what I want in a relationship and see if he gives it back. Goes something like "you get what you give", "the more love you give, the more love you get". The best way to describe it-- Be happy with what you have because at one time that was all you wanted.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

My Inner Bitch

Right now I think that I would feel a lot better if I could just let my inner bitch out! I am finding it hard to swallow right now that I may have just seen something just short of wonderful pass me by. The worst part is I can't change anything about this situation. Its out of my hands. All I can do is realize that I still decide to be happy. To live a full life. To be something amazing on this earth. My situations and whoever I'm with doesn't determine my happiness. So I stand back, be a good friend, always open to new things, and just be ME!

Monday, August 10, 2009

What Do I Want ?

What do I want? For a relatively simple question the answer is hard for me to answer. With that question I see 2 choices. Which one do I want? When in actuality in needs to be about me and what do I want? Maybe what they both have to offer isn't even what I want. So for clarity and for my sanity I want LOVE. True Love. Deep. Adoring. Can't stand to be without you. LOVE. I know that relationships take work. But I also know and see in real true form that Love can come into your life so quickly that you just might miss it. It doesn't wait for everything to be perfect. It doesn't always display itself as love at first but something that intrigues you and makes you think about where you are standing and who you are standing with. If you take that step and it captures your attention and something keeps pulling you like a magnet in that direction. Do you go? Or do you continue standing where you are?
What I have had for the past 6 months has been good. In the beginning, I would have said that it would be more than it is right now. It's not. But do I give that up? What if it gets better? What if he does Love me? What if he wants "US", but hasn't really made that clear? Does that mean he's not the one?
OR What if this man who has been on my mind for the last week is really it for me? He seems great? I can think about him and see a future so clearly. Am I rolling the dice? Am I making him more than he really is because its lacking with Mr.7? Or is he really someone that I want to walk with? And grow something amazing with? Like a Tree as my wise friend Miss A would say.
When I said love can come quickly I know first hand. Both of my sisters knew with their current husbands that they were IT! Both moved the relationship to the next level so fast that our family was somewhat shocked. They are both happy and in love. Both were dating other people when their spouses came into their lives and it was all very coincidence. I can relate my meeting up with Mr. BHS as being very similar.
The voice that keeps popping in my head is Noah from The Notebook when he was telling Allie "Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?"
So with that being said, I know what I want.

I'm ME !

I'm me, i'm random, i'm funny, i'm fabulous, i'm loud, i'm annoying, i'm cute, i'm bubbly, i'm brunette, i'm shy, i'm personable, i'm nerdy, i'm ditzy, i'm smart, i'm loved, i'm missed, I'm me. I sing in the car and dance at work, but I go home and watch trashy TV shows like "Weeds" and "Entourage", I love to work with my hands and get dirty, I Love to write and draw. I Love to dress up and go out and be treated like a Princess. I believe in God. I believe in everyone having a soul mate. I believe in Fairy Tales. I'm a beautiful mix of contradictions. Fashion and Beauty are my chocolate!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

My Perfect Man

ADORES me, But doesn't let me walk all over him.
Make Me SMILE, But doesn't kiss my ass.
Can Make Me LAUGH, And tickling doesn't count.
Has FRIENDS That Are Girls, who get along with me but he knows where to draw the line with them.
Knows how to KISS me and makes me feel like he's speaking to my SOUL.
Lets me act SILLY and Goofy, but makes me feel like I'm the Sexiest women in the world.
Lets me fall asleep in his ARMS, but isn't bothered if I wake him in the middle of the night for some Lovin.
Understands how important my FAMILY is too me and knows how lucky he is to be able to call them his FAMILY as well.
Treats my DAUGHTERS like they were his own, and doesn't make them feel inferior.
Always on MY SIDE even if I'm wrong, and will tell me nicely when we are alone.
Tells me how he FEELS about me because he wants too and not because I ask.
Knows how much I value HONESTY, with the good and the bad.
Makes me feel SAFE and SECURE, and I'm never scared that he will hurt me or let anyone else hurt me.
Will never go to bed mad, angry or with issues unsettled because he values US.
A man that knows I can be stubborn and act very tough, but inside I'm just a little girl wanting a man to love me with all my flaws and imperfections. A man who makes me want to be a better person. A man who encourages my strengths and overlooks my weaknesses.
Doesnt seem like a very big order to fill, but I have yet to find the PERFECT MAN.
Yes I'm a dreamer. Yes, I believe in Fairy Tales. Yes. I believe in Happily Ever After. That will never change. He is out there and one day I will find him.

When Life Asks You Questions & But You Don't Know The Answers

Just when you think you have it together emotionally, something or someone makes you think again. I recently have reconnected with many of my high school friends. Mind you, that its been 20 years since I graduated. I dated the same person all through high school and never even thought about another boy. But the one that has recently captured my attention is a guy who was just nice and sweet. He dated some of the girls I hung out with. Never thought he was attracted to me. Maybe because I was so naive at that time. So for confidential reasons we will call him Mr. BHS (B High School)...
For starters Mr. BHS is way hotter now than 20 years ago. His body is rockin. You could do all your laundry on his washboard abs. His ass. OMG ! But besides the physical aspect (hard to not think about), he is still a nice, sweet guy. We get along. He has a son. He's a great parent. He's very verbal with his feelings about me. Which is a change for me considering Mr.7 doesn't tell me what his inner most thoughts are or about us. Is there an "us".? That's one of my questions that I don't have the answers for. Its been 6 months and we don't talk about the future. We don't have a commitment. We don't have plans. I don't know what he wants with me or from me. I feel like I'm just floating. Caught in midair. Not sure to go up or down. Now jumps in Mr. BHS. He has my attention in a big, big way. We haven't kissed or done anything at all. Just talked. Our kids met and we played video games. That's it. We talk about "what ifs" and "maybes". He knows about Mr.7 kinda, and doesn't ask too much. I think I might be in a pickle. I will keep you posted on my Mr., Mr. issues.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Loving Smile From Mr. Sunshine !

I never thought there would be a day when I, Ms. Chatterbox, didn't have anything to complain about. So with that being said, I do hope that you are enjoying your summer and spending lots of quality time with the ones you love. That is my personal goal. To really live in the moment and enjoy the littlest of things that life brings us. Even on the worst of days we must find something that makes us happy. A smile, the sun, a cup of coffee, a cute puppy, a laughing baby. Those things always bring a smile to my face. But what I really strive for are the smiles that touch my heart. The hugs and kisses from my girls, the "I Love You Mom"'s, kisses on my neck from my sweetie, my little Lucky cuddling in bed with me, and watching my nieces and nephews play. Those are the big, show all your teeth smiles, and those will always be my most valued smiles. I hope your heart is smiling today.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

~"It's never too late to have a happy childhood. Walk in the rain, collect rainbows, smell flowers, stop along the way, build sand castles, watch the moon and stars come out, say hello to everyone, make up new rules, go on adventures, act silly, take bubble baths, hold hands and hug and kiss, dance, laugh and cry for the health of it, feel happy, say the magic words, and trust the universe."
Bruce Williamson

Little Piece of Heaven

Sometimes we have to take little pieces of the puzzle to see the whole picture. I'm trying to see the good in everyday. I have to believe that there is something I can smile about even when my troubles seem to consume my mind. It is true what they say about your thoughts controlling your outlook and attitude on life. Being mad, rude or angry with others because my life isn't exactly how I think it should be only makes me feel worse. I'm choosing to be happy. And if I wake up unhappy and grumpy, I find something that will put a smile on my face. I want my girls to see the world this way as well. It makes things so much easier.
So look at the clouds and make animals out of them. Listen to the birds sing. Watch the kids play at the park. Eat a Popsicle. Pick flowers. Skip instead of walk. Sing in the car and watch how much you make others smile (or laugh). Try it. You just might find that it really is the simple things in life that can bring you so much joy.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved."
~George MacDonald

Do You Trust Me???

I am somewhat bothered by my man. Why is it when he has a hard day at work, he doesn't want to talk to me about it ? Why does he go to his friend (female), whom I know, and doesn't bother sharing with me ? I just done get it. We can be see other naked, act like idiots at times, wake-up with nasty morning breath, but he doesn't want to talk to me about the stresses in his life ? It pushes me away. I don't like feeling this way.....

Thursday, June 18, 2009

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore

~"Far Away" by Nickleback

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Reality Check

Sometimes it takes words that hurt to make you realize your on the verge of losing something that is of great value to you. That exactly what happened to me last night. I have been wanting to talk to "Mr.7" about our "casual dating" relationship that has now made it to 4 months. The expectations of us seeing or dating other people is something that I feel needs to be clear to both parties involved. He has more social time than I do because I am a single mom. I thought we should clear the air on what we expected from each other. Much to my dismay, I got a rude awakening that he was getting very use to not seeing me that much. Unfortunatly, it doesnt even bother him anymore. Pretty much saying, If it works it works, if not so be it. Wow, what happened to the boy who I thought was getting closer to me and wanting to be a bigger part of my life ???? I guess somewhere between being a mom and a part-time casual dater to "Mr.7", I didnt take into account that he needed more.
My plan is to go back to the place I started with him 4 months ago and be that fun, loving, free-spirited, independent girl that he thought was so cute and sassy. (When he's into me, he thinks I'm Sassy.) I have too try to make this work. I think he is a great guy and I want him to be part of my life. If I walked away now, I would regret it forever. Wish me luck.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

Mother Teresa

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Wanting It ALL !

I have to ask, Whats wrong with wanting it all ? Before you answer stop and think about it for a second.... For me, Having my 2 girls and a man who absolutely, adores me all wrapped up in a cute little box (blue, of course) would be the world for me. Hard to believe that's all I want when we live in such a materialistic world. But because we are dealing with hearts and souls, something that money cannot buy, it would be priceless.
My issue is that just when I think I'm on the path to having it all, the little voice inside my head tries so hard to get me to think that it could not possibly be. My relationship with "Mr.7" is moving right along. I feel like we are getting emotionally closer and he is opening up to me more all the time. He really is a great guy and even if it doesn't last forever, he has brought a new perspective to my life and I truly believe that I have grown as a person from knowing him. But nonetheless, I wouldn't mind if he absolutely adored me.... you never know. Open your heart. Open your mind. You might be surprised at what you get and it may be more than you ever thought you needed.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Missin my boy! (How did this happen)

I guess when you say how you feel to the one you care about you have to be prepared for the backlash. And boy does it stings. I told Mr.7 jokingly that "one day he is going to wish he told me how he felt about me". I said that because I'm the one saying I miss waking up to you and falling asleep with you and I get "aha". What the hell does that mean? So I told him that I wish he was more open with me and told me how he felt about me. Is that too much too ask? I don't think so. I spend all my weekends with him when I don't have my daughter. Hey, my time is valuable. That's just the facts. When your getting all free weekend, don't act all crazy when I want to know how you feel about me. I don't do Crazy. I'm a divorced, single, mom, whose x-husband took her for alimony. I'm all maxxed out on that shit!
Where is Mr. Everything ? The guy who wants to put his emotions out there? Anyone know where he is ?

Sunday, May 31, 2009

"Passion is the element in which we live; without it, we hardly vegetate."
--Lord Byron

Mommy Can't No Satisfaction

This whole being a single mom and trying to date and have a somewhat normal relationship with the male species has got to be one of the most difficult stunts to pull off. You have to spend "quality" time with your kids that's a given. Your man requires intimacy and time spent with you as well. It starts to become a conflict of schedules when your trying to accomplish everything and still maintain your sanity. Then something else comes into play, for me anyway. I've started to want more from Mr.7. physically (I think you know what I mean). That every other weekend and maybe once or twice during the week just isn't cutting it. Call me crazy, but I have no problem being a "booty-call" once in awhile. I know we care about each other, so I don't think of it in a bad way. I mean how many wife's do you know that give a "courtesy --" to their husbands once in awhile. I know way to many and the ones who don't surely arn't playing their cards right. I'm really struggling with this overwhelming desires to be with him more often. I'm contemplating excuses to get out of the house and take a hour visit to see him
Any suggestions on how to make this crazy life of mine work and keep every one "satisfied" ? xoxo~Cupcake

Thursday, May 14, 2009

~~~Living Happily-Ever-After on a Day-to-Day basis.


Just when you think things are going great life throws you a curve ball and you realize that what you thought was great someone else felt was mediocre. That is what I got smacked with this morning. It really is annoying when asking a question gets turned around as snooping or being nosey. When in fact, its was only a question. Why do men get defensive when you ask them something ? I'm not jealous. I could care less about him going out with friends or whatever, but it always seems like I am invading their privacy.
Without communication, It becomes difficult to remain open and honest with your partner. I don't want to feel like I cant say whats on my mind or ask whats on his. I'm starting to think that his irritation with simple questions is a way for him to keep his distance. Hope that's not the case, but I know I'm getting very frustrated.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

"Love is not what we become, but what we already are."
~Stephen Levine
Hello. How have you been ? We haven't chatted lately. I guess when life is stable, I don't feel as strong a need to blog. Things are fairly smooth at this moment. Keeping busy being a single mom and dealing with issues that all moms have (single or not). Working full-time, being a taxi-cab for the kids, a chef, a housekeeper and sometimes a therapist. I also try to fit in time for my own personal/love life, if that is possible.
Still on the up with "Mr. 7". Its been close to 3 months and I do believe the honeymoon is over, but that's okay. Here comes reality. This is who I am. This is who you are. Take it or leave it. This relationship has made me grow as a person. I don't ALWAYS get my way with him. He doesn't give in easily. Very strong character that "Mr. 7". Something this cupcake isn't use too. But exactly what I need. We are pass the "its all about the sex". Actually, in my opinion, we could increase the frequency of that just a bit. Kinda different coming from the women instead of the man that I don't get enough. At least I don't feel like that's ALL it is. Just physical. Its NOT. Somewhere between the last entry and now, I pause when I write this, but think I may be falling in "you know what" with him. ~~~~Oh no !
We are having our first weekend together. Yeah, we have gone away, but always with other couples and friends. I think this will give me an idea of where his heart is. We don't talk about what "our" plans are for "us". Just enjoying the ride for now. But as you know, I am a control freak and like to know what the other person is thinking, feeling. "Mr. 7" knows this and I think he withholds information to keep me on my toes.
I like how this feels. Don't have any complaints. Starting to get that feeling of always wanting him to be part of my life. I don't want to be without him. He brings out the best in me. Isn't that reason enough to want someone in your life ? I think it is.
xoxo~ Cupcake

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Messy Me

Here we are another week gone by since we last chatted. Things are busy as normal for this mom of 2 active girls. Still trying to have a "normal" dating life as well. Mr. 7 and I are back in the swing of things and seem to have made it through another episode of "I don't see you enough". Whoever said that life would ever slow down surly got it messed up. Sometimes I revel in the game of trying to get everything done and still live a happy and full life. In the morning I commit to making that day a Great Day regardless of how much I have on my plate. Seems to be working.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Dating A Guy With No Kids

The crazy thing about dating a man with no kids is that he starts to acts like a child himself more than maybe your own kids. He want time. He wants to be held every night. He wants dinners and snacks. He wants to go to the park and occasionally to the playground (adult playground that is). Then when you can't spend time with him, he throws a fit. Gets cranky and probably needs to take a timeout. That is exactly what is happening with Mr.7. He is "frustrated" with me. He can't see me as much as he would like and he misses me. At this point, I'm not really sure how to fix this issue. I am letting it SIT. He hasn't called since yesterday. I emailed him about how much I care about him. No response. I guess I wait. You cant control other peoples feelings and emotions. What I do know is that he cares about me. Those feelings don't just go away. I can only hope that they are strong enough to bring him back my way.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Its a Bunch of Hullabaloo

Hullabaloo. Crazy, Stupid, Confusion. A loud noise or uproar.
That describes my current mental state at this time to a tee. Mr. 7decided last night, after I couldnt meet him for dinner he informed that he was going to dinner with a "persistent and respectful" girl. What the hell does that mean ?
Well, obviously, we are really gonna need to talk. No way does this girl play 2nd fiddle to anyone.
You would think at this time in my life that the men are date would no longer act like boys. Once again, I was proven wrong.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Really ? You Want To Talk ?

For those of you that know me, you would agree that I am not one that puts my feelings out there for others to scrutinize and run over. I have a layer that very few can break through. I'm really not that difficult to figure out, I just have a hard time trusting people and letting them into my life.
What I thought was a very nice, well-thought, full of feelings and emotions e-mail to Mr.7, turned out to be nothing more than a slap in the face. To my amazement, the entire email was broken down and then to top it off I was questioned about my use of words. Asking me "what did you really mean" ? Are you kidding me ? I meant what I wrote. That's what I meant. So, as I sat there trying to explain myself about something that I thought was meaningful, I became slightly resentful about making the attempt to be open and communicate with this guy.
Now its the next day and usually the mind clears and your able to see things from a better perspective. Not so in my case. I am at a place where I wonder if this is right for me ? If even on those rare occasions I make attempt to be a loving girl is this the person who will take me as I am ? Will he understand me ? Take my words for what they are ? I thought he was the guy who would get me. Now I'm not so sure.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

I Think Men Need Specific Instructions

One mistake that I continue to make over and over is to think that a man can understand what I'm saying. I mean they listen, (I think), But do they comprehend the words ? In order for a women's needs to be met as she wishes, its always going to be better just to say it. No matter how embarrassing, or blunt we must be. Men just aren't as good at reading between the lines as us women are.
So as I become more insistent on what is acceptable for me in a relationship and what is not I realize that I have to communicate in a way I have never done before. If I don't, guess what ? I get the same crap I have had in the past.
I've also become less acceptable to flaws that i could look past before. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a Perfect person in every single area, but things that are important to me will not be overlooked. Sometimes that's hard. I may have a great connection but if my needs are not met and I feel incomplete in a certain area, then that relationship may not work for me anymore.
What it comes down to is this. My boy, (Mr. 7), is amazing, fun and easy on the eyes. But I have concerns with his reluctance to meet my family. Not because I'm trying to get him to walk me down the aisle. My reason for wanting him to meet my family, is because my 2 sisters are my best friends. I value their opinion. He knows some of my other girlfriends, why not them ?? Maybe he is nervous or scared. Don't know. Or maybe because he is an only child his value of family is different than mine. Whatever it is, I cant fix his issues on it. I can only worry about me and what will and won't be acceptable for me.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Sometimes the Questions Are Harder Than the Answers

Feeling like your heart is about to be ran over my a Semi, is not the way this girl likes to feel. Thankfully, myself and "the boy", (thinking of a name still), had a nice conversation and seem to be back on track. Its nice to have an adult conversation with someone you care about. Sometimes though, the questions seem to be harder than the answers. Let me explain.
The boy asks "how do you know when your clothes are dry?" What is he talking about ? My response, "the buzzer goes off". He agrees. "How do you know when its daytime ?" he asks. I say "the sun comes up". He shakes his head yes. Then the big one. "How do you know if your in love with someone ?" Hmmm? What ? Now I'm at a loss for words. I stutter. I stumble. I start biting my nails. My mind is spinning. It's quiet...... I'm thinking. Finally I say, I think you know your in love with someone "when you can't picture your life without them". "When you comfortable being yourself", and "When to do nothing would be absolutely amazing". I really felt like those where good signs, right ? Well, I always second guess myself. I decided that after I went I home I should Google this question just to make sure I didn't sound like a total idiot.
Amazingly to my surprise, my answers where all sign that would indicate your in love with someone. The funny part was that the other signs that were listed were things that "the boy" displays.
I found that quite hilarious.......I guess sometimes people asks questions just to confirm their own answers.
Oh, by the way, name for "the boy", "Mr.7"......Don't ask !

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I Think My Hearts In Trouble....

In every relationship there is a turning point. Something happens and you realize that "He" may be a keeper. I hit that bump in the road when "blind date boy" and myself had a little disagreement. I thought that after the air cleared he would get over it and we would be ok. Right? Wrong!! I apologized for our disagreement and he responded with "I'm sorry that it had to end this way". Really ? End ? NO ! This can't end.
That was when I knew I could so easily fall for this boy. Bad news. That also means my heart could be on the chopping block. We were able to kiss and make-up but I am still rather bothered by the fact that he could end things with me over 1 arguement ? Wow. I don't like that. Makes a girls a bit nervous. Does that mean he doesn't care for me as much as I care for him? Do I need to put up my defenses, as I do with most men, so I can control my level of emotional involvement with them ? I really don't like feeling that I'm in over my head. What to do ? What to do ?

Friday, March 13, 2009

Can You Really Meet A Good Guy On A Blind Date ? Yes You Can.

My friend at work set me up with a longtime friend of her husbands. I thought, why not? No expectations. No history. If anything, a new friend. By the way, my sister did marry her husband through a blind date. So there is always a ray of hope.
Anyway, we went to dinner on a Thursday night (not ruining my weekend for this new guy who probably isn't worth a Saturday or Sunday date). Seemed nice. All 4 of us went to a bar/restaurant. Had good conversation. Nothing too amazing. Definetly not head over heels for him. But nice.
After dinner, went back to friends house. I told her I wasn't coming in. I wasn't really feelin the vibe with him.
Just went home. Didn't have much to go on, but he didn't ask for my number. That was wierd. But the next morning he emailed me. And we chatted back and forth and I soon realized that he was Hot for me. And too my shock, I was hot for him as well.
So, its been 4 weeks now and we have seen each other 3-4 times a week. He is learning about all my imperfections and breaking down the walls that only a few have been able to do in the past. Let's hope I can keep this one around. ;o}

Up to Speed

The way it ended with Music boy went a little something like "he ran off to Vegas and got hitched"... Really ? I know. Totally shocker. Was I that blind during the whole dating experience or what. Chalk it up to bad timing. Actually, I'm better without that one. He was too dull and boring for such a hyper chick like me. But why would he NOT want to be with me?? The only thing that got hurt in this relationship was my Ego, and I have 1 less friend on MySpace... Yes, he Deleted me.. Lame.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Its Okay to Stay Home On Saturday Nite.

Last night was the first Saturday night in a very long time that I had not gone out with friends or had some sort of activity to attend. I had to restrain myself at one point when my girlfriends wanted to go out to a Karaoke bar. I said "no".
Actually, it was very nice to chill out at home. I played Wii with my daughter. Read a little. Baked cheescake cupcakes. (So Yummy). I think I can get use to this.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Sometimes We Should Just Shut-Up.

Really, the whole I need closure bullshit, was just that. Of course that phone call didn't pan out. Yea, he called eventually, but just talked alot of crap. Oh, he is "busy", and "blah, blah, blah". It actually made me think twice if this is the kind of boy I would want to hang out with. I KNOW that I deserve more and it became very obvious that he couldn't meet those expectations. I am going to do my very best to avoid any second guessing myself about this one. There has to be a real MAN out there for me. Sometimes we just need to shut-up and realize that we are amazing and fabulous. There is someone that will appreciate us and never have us wondering where we stand.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Is it okay to want "Closure" ?

Okay guys, I had to make the call. I called Music Boy. Yes, I did. I know probably stupid. But I need closure or something. Of course, he didn't answer. Left nice, pleasant message. Asked how he was and wanted to catch up. No irritation or annoyance in my voice. It only took me 3 times to record the message. Had to make sure it was okay. So we wait. The girlfriends said to call. If worse comes to worse I blame it on them.

Seriously, Just tell me if you stopped liking me, or if I kissed you wrong or if me being older than you is just way too intimidating and you want more kids and I don't and anything else to make me absolutely want to vomit at the sound of your voice.

I know I'm crazy and I should just move on, but I need to know that this is it. Done. No More. I promise to stop craving his kisses if he tells me I gross him out.
(Kissing is so Huge in my book, and we Kiss GREAT)....Just tell me something. Please.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

It's Okay for Girls to Like Football

Its Sunday. Which means Football. At least a few months out of the year. Growing up in a home with 3 brothers and being a cheerleader for who knows how many years, I learned to love football. Don't get me wrong, when I was younger, I hated it. But as matured into a women, I realized that watching grown men in booty-hugging pants running across your TV screen isn't that bad. As I learned more about the game, I started to understand how it all worked. Fortunately for me, I have 3 close girlfriends that also love to partake in the football experience. So the 4 of us pick a sports bar on Sundays and go hang out. We have a few favorites, but as with anything, we like to change it up now and then to keep things spicy.

One thing I find particularly funny is how men look at the 4 of us and in amazement say "I don't know any girls who like football, why do you?" That's usually when I roll my eyes at them and say nothing. Do they think that only a man could understand this game ? Seriously ? Or is that suppose to be their pick-up line ? If so, I'm not buying it.

Anyway, I am going to watch football with the girls and one of my "boys". We will call him "Mr. Football" to keep his identity in the vault. He is a bit older than me, but super sweet. We have know each other for 7 years or more. We make-out now and then, but nothing serious. Why you ask ? Not sure. He travels a lot due to work. He played pro football in the past and I always assumed that he was a just that, a "Player". Never allowed myself to get emotionally attached to him. If he needs a date to a dinner or I need someone to escort me to a party, we call each other up. His only daughter knows my daughter and they know that we hang out once in awhile. Actually, if my daughter had it her way, I would be dating him. She thinks he's cool. Whatever.

It should be fun. I always love seeing my friends. And this will help get my mind off "Music Man". Just to let you know he still hasn't called or texted. How rude. This is hard to say, but I guess he's just not that into me.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Why O' Why ?

I think we need to get to the point here and i'm not exactly sure what that is, but its Saturday night, my kids are not home, and I have nothing to do. Why you ask ? I wish I knew. It's not like I didnt have an offer of a nice quiet dinner with this guy but it would take far to many cocktails for me to find him interesting. ! I can't risk being hungover for Sunday Football.

Maybe, I just can't pick the right man.....But I can't take all the blame. So, maybe they can't pick me. I know he's out there but what the hell? My girlfriends say that I am too good for any of the boys they know. Really ? Don't think so. Yes, I have self-confidence that shines the minute I walk through the door. My daughters guy friends say i'm "HOT". I think I am fun to be around. So where is he ? And why is it when I think this ones a keeper, it ends up being a false alarm.

Let's roll the tape back about 6 months. At a party, given by a good friend of mine. I looked cute, (just thrown that in). They had a great band playing that night. Usually, I say NO to bands. Not this time. Very energetic, fun, kept the party moving. Lead singer kinda sorta hot. Didn't think too much about it, because I saw he came with a girl. But I did notice they had zero chemistry together. Very BLAH ! He talked to me, but honestly not a big deal. Guys do flirt with me quite often, but I didn't think anything of his niceness toward me.
So, 2 days later, I emailed him a quick note. "Thanks for making the party a hit. Your band was great". That was it, I swear. And honestly, I really liked the band. I always send thank you cards and little notes when someone leaves an impression on me. That is just me. Unbeknown to me, He had inquired about me to my friend who threw the party. I told her he seemed nice, but he came with a girl and I don't do drama. Anyway, to make a long story short, the girl was a "friend", not a girlfriend. So we met that following week for a cocktail.

We started seeing each other maybe 1 to 2 times per week. He would call or text me when he was at his shows telling me that he was thinking about me, and couldn't wait to see me. All the things a girl wants to hear. I don't think we went a day without some contact with each other. He travels a lot and is really busy, but seemed to make time to let me know he was thinking about me.

Move forward to the last 30 days. I guess he is SUPER Busy, because I haven't heard from him in over a week.....Believe me, If I called, he would answer. This I know. But I decided about 30 days ago, that regardless of how busy a person is, you can make time to do something that is important to you and he needs to make more of an effort. At least tell that person you are missing them and can't wait to kiss her lips. For God sake, you are a musician, arnt you suppose to be creative and sensitive to this shit ?

Something. Give me something. I have never in my life wondered if a guy liked me. This is why I am so irritated by this one. Why doesn't he like me???? What happened??? And honestly, if it did work out between us, I would have to give up my closet full of high heels, pumps and stilettos, because he isn't that tall........WOW! I feel so much better saying that.

This isn't the only boy that is lingering on my mind, but right now he is the heaviest. Please tell me why ? Any sure fire ways to get over this one, send them my way.
So, Anyway.....
I always have lots to say and not everyone wants to be a good listener. So, why not blog ? It seems like the thing to do nowadays. Right ? Good. Glad we can all agree on that.
A bit about me. I am a mom of 2 great girls who despite the fact that I'm definitely not up for mother of the year award are turning out to be shining stars. You know as a parent you would say that anyway, but honestly they are. Oh, believe me, we have our moments. My oldest just turned 18 and need I say more. Yes, I was 12 when I had her. Just Kidding! Actually, I was 19. Raised her on my own. Put myself through nursing school. Then got married to her stepfather when she was almost 5. I had my second daughter 2 years later. She is 11 and just started middle school. I have been divorced for 4 years and fortunately my x-husband and I get along better now then we did when we were married. Kinda weird how that works out.

I'm not dating anyone seriously at this time. I have some "boys" (that's what they are), that I go out with on occasion. Nothing serious. I dated someone for almost 2 years after my divorce. Can you say rebound ? Now that wasn't very nice, but looking back, I can say that it was a way to get through the divorce and all the bad stuff that happens. Once the drama settled so did we. Anyway, he was 8 years younger than me. No children. And I am not the girl for you if you think that we need to "start a family"......No way! Besides the fact that my girls would have a fit, I am definitely not up for baby's.

I guess you could say that I am a true believer in fairytales. I want to be swept off my feet and treated like a princess. And in return my prince charming would be adored by me in every way possible.....