The Love Equation

Like the Beatles said "the love you take is equal to the love you make".

It's a pretty simple equation, but one that I frequently need to be reminded of. Think of the people you know who give love in response to negative enrgy that’s directed their way. There aren’t many people who respond lovingly in that situation. The ones who do are able to because they have love to give away. They know that it’s impossible to give away what they don’t have, and they’ve gone that extra mile to acquire what it is that they want to both attract and give away.

If love and joy are what you want to give and receive, then begin by taking stock. What have you got to give away? What are you giving out to the universe, and thus, what are you attracting? Remember that you can’t give away what you don’t have, but you can change your life by changing what’s going on inside.

If what you give is self-respect and self-love, the universe will return the love and respect you’ve been radiating. It’s really so simple.

"Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you"

Wanting It ALL !

I have to ask, Whats wrong with wanting it all ? Before you answer stop and think about it for a second.... For me, Having my 2 girls and a man who absolutely, adores me all wrapped up in a cute little box (blue, of course) would be the world for me. Hard to believe that's all I want when we live in such a materialistic world. But because we are dealing with hearts and souls, something that money cannot buy, it would be priceless.
My issue is that just when I think I'm on the path to having it all, the little voice inside my head tries so hard to get me to think that it could not possibly be. My relationship with "Mr.7" is moving right along. I feel like we are getting emotionally closer and he is opening up to me more all the time. He really is a great guy and even if it doesn't last forever, he has brought a new perspective to my life and I truly believe that I have grown as a person from knowing him. But nonetheless, I wouldn't mind if he absolutely adored me.... you never know. Open your heart. Open your mind. You might be surprised at what you get and it may be more than you ever thought you needed.

Mommy Can't No Satisfaction

This whole being a single mom and trying to date and have a somewhat normal relationship with the male species has got to be one of the most difficult stunts to pull off. You have to spend "quality" time with your kids that's a given. Your man requires intimacy and time spent with you as well. It starts to become a conflict of schedules when your trying to accomplish everything and still maintain your sanity. Then something else comes into play, for me anyway. I've started to want more from Mr.7. physically (I think you know what I mean). That every other weekend and maybe once or twice during the week just isn't cutting it. Call me crazy, but I have no problem being a "booty-call" once in awhile. I know we care about each other, so I don't think of it in a bad way. I mean how many wife's do you know that give a "courtesy --" to their husbands once in awhile. I know way to many and the ones who don't surely arn't playing their cards right. I'm really struggling with this overwhelming desires to be with him more often. I'm contemplating excuses to get out of the house and take a hour visit to see him
Any suggestions on how to make this crazy life of mine work and keep every one "satisfied" ? xoxo~Cupcake

Hello. How have you been ? We haven't chatted lately. I guess when life is stable, I don't feel as strong a need to blog. Things are fairly smooth at this moment. Keeping busy being a single mom and dealing with issues that all moms have (single or not). Working full-time, being a taxi-cab for the kids, a chef, a housekeeper and sometimes a therapist. I also try to fit in time for my own personal/love life, if that is possible.
Still on the up with "Mr. 7". Its been close to 3 months and I do believe the honeymoon is over, but that's okay. Here comes reality. This is who I am. This is who you are. Take it or leave it. This relationship has made me grow as a person. I don't ALWAYS get my way with him. He doesn't give in easily. Very strong character that "Mr. 7". Something this cupcake isn't use too. But exactly what I need. We are pass the "its all about the sex". Actually, in my opinion, we could increase the frequency of that just a bit. Kinda different coming from the women instead of the man that I don't get enough. At least I don't feel like that's ALL it is. Just physical. Its NOT. Somewhere between the last entry and now, I pause when I write this, but think I may be falling in "you know what" with him. ~~~~Oh no !
We are having our first weekend together. Yeah, we have gone away, but always with other couples and friends. I think this will give me an idea of where his heart is. We don't talk about what "our" plans are for "us". Just enjoying the ride for now. But as you know, I am a control freak and like to know what the other person is thinking, feeling. "Mr. 7" knows this and I think he withholds information to keep me on my toes.
I like how this feels. Don't have any complaints. Starting to get that feeling of always wanting him to be part of my life. I don't want to be without him. He brings out the best in me. Isn't that reason enough to want someone in your life ? I think it is.
xoxo~ Cupcake

Messy Me

Here we are another week gone by since we last chatted. Things are busy as normal for this mom of 2 active girls. Still trying to have a "normal" dating life as well. Mr. 7 and I are back in the swing of things and seem to have made it through another episode of "I don't see you enough". Whoever said that life would ever slow down surly got it messed up. Sometimes I revel in the game of trying to get everything done and still live a happy and full life. In the morning I commit to making that day a Great Day regardless of how much I have on my plate. Seems to be working.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill

Dating A Guy With No Kids

The crazy thing about dating a man with no kids is that he starts to acts like a child himself more than maybe your own kids. He want time. He wants to be held every night. He wants dinners and snacks. He wants to go to the park and occasionally to the playground (adult playground that is). Then when you can't spend time with him, he throws a fit. Gets cranky and probably needs to take a timeout. That is exactly what is happening with Mr.7. He is "frustrated" with me. He can't see me as much as he would like and he misses me. At this point, I'm not really sure how to fix this issue. I am letting it SIT. He hasn't called since yesterday. I emailed him about how much I care about him. No response. I guess I wait. You cant control other peoples feelings and emotions. What I do know is that he cares about me. Those feelings don't just go away. I can only hope that they are strong enough to bring him back my way.

Its a Bunch of Hullabaloo

Hullabaloo. Crazy, Stupid, Confusion. A loud noise or uproar.
That describes my current mental state at this time to a tee. Mr. 7decided last night, after I couldnt meet him for dinner he informed that he was going to dinner with a "persistent and respectful" girl. What the hell does that mean ?
Well, obviously, we are really gonna need to talk. No way does this girl play 2nd fiddle to anyone.
You would think at this time in my life that the men are date would no longer act like boys. Once again, I was proven wrong.

Really ? You Want To Talk ?

For those of you that know me, you would agree that I am not one that puts my feelings out there for others to scrutinize and run over. I have a layer that very few can break through. I'm really not that difficult to figure out, I just have a hard time trusting people and letting them into my life.
What I thought was a very nice, well-thought, full of feelings and emotions e-mail to Mr.7, turned out to be nothing more than a slap in the face. To my amazement, the entire email was broken down and then to top it off I was questioned about my use of words. Asking me "what did you really mean" ? Are you kidding me ? I meant what I wrote. That's what I meant. So, as I sat there trying to explain myself about something that I thought was meaningful, I became slightly resentful about making the attempt to be open and communicate with this guy.
Now its the next day and usually the mind clears and your able to see things from a better perspective. Not so in my case. I am at a place where I wonder if this is right for me ? If even on those rare occasions I make attempt to be a loving girl is this the person who will take me as I am ? Will he understand me ? Take my words for what they are ? I thought he was the guy who would get me. Now I'm not so sure.

Sometimes the Questions Are Harder Than the Answers

Feeling like your heart is about to be ran over my a Semi, is not the way this girl likes to feel. Thankfully, myself and "the boy", (thinking of a name still), had a nice conversation and seem to be back on track. Its nice to have an adult conversation with someone you care about. Sometimes though, the questions seem to be harder than the answers. Let me explain.
The boy asks "how do you know when your clothes are dry?" What is he talking about ? My response, "the buzzer goes off". He agrees. "How do you know when its daytime ?" he asks. I say "the sun comes up". He shakes his head yes. Then the big one. "How do you know if your in love with someone ?" Hmmm? What ? Now I'm at a loss for words. I stutter. I stumble. I start biting my nails. My mind is spinning. It's quiet...... I'm thinking. Finally I say, I think you know your in love with someone "when you can't picture your life without them". "When you comfortable being yourself", and "When to do nothing would be absolutely amazing". I really felt like those where good signs, right ? Well, I always second guess myself. I decided that after I went I home I should Google this question just to make sure I didn't sound like a total idiot.
Amazingly to my surprise, my answers where all sign that would indicate your in love with someone. The funny part was that the other signs that were listed were things that "the boy" displays.
I found that quite hilarious.......I guess sometimes people asks questions just to confirm their own answers.
Oh, by the way, name for "the boy", "Mr.7"......Don't ask !

Can You Really Meet A Good Guy On A Blind Date ? Yes You Can.

My friend at work set me up with a longtime friend of her husbands. I thought, why not? No expectations. No history. If anything, a new friend. By the way, my sister did marry her husband through a blind date. So there is always a ray of hope.
Anyway, we went to dinner on a Thursday night (not ruining my weekend for this new guy who probably isn't worth a Saturday or Sunday date). Seemed nice. All 4 of us went to a bar/restaurant. Had good conversation. Nothing too amazing. Definetly not head over heels for him. But nice.
After dinner, went back to friends house. I told her I wasn't coming in. I wasn't really feelin the vibe with him.
Just went home. Didn't have much to go on, but he didn't ask for my number. That was wierd. But the next morning he emailed me. And we chatted back and forth and I soon realized that he was Hot for me. And too my shock, I was hot for him as well.
So, its been 4 weeks now and we have seen each other 3-4 times a week. He is learning about all my imperfections and breaking down the walls that only a few have been able to do in the past. Let's hope I can keep this one around. ;o}

Why O' Why ?

I think we need to get to the point here and i'm not exactly sure what that is, but its Saturday night, my kids are not home, and I have nothing to do. Why you ask ? I wish I knew. It's not like I didnt have an offer of a nice quiet dinner with this guy but it would take far to many cocktails for me to find him interesting. ! I can't risk being hungover for Sunday Football.

Maybe, I just can't pick the right man.....But I can't take all the blame. So, maybe they can't pick me. I know he's out there but what the hell? My girlfriends say that I am too good for any of the boys they know. Really ? Don't think so. Yes, I have self-confidence that shines the minute I walk through the door. My daughters guy friends say i'm "HOT". I think I am fun to be around. So where is he ? And why is it when I think this ones a keeper, it ends up being a false alarm.

Let's roll the tape back about 6 months. At a party, given by a good friend of mine. I looked cute, (just thrown that in). They had a great band playing that night. Usually, I say NO to bands. Not this time. Very energetic, fun, kept the party moving. Lead singer kinda sorta hot. Didn't think too much about it, because I saw he came with a girl. But I did notice they had zero chemistry together. Very BLAH ! He talked to me, but honestly not a big deal. Guys do flirt with me quite often, but I didn't think anything of his niceness toward me.
So, 2 days later, I emailed him a quick note. "Thanks for making the party a hit. Your band was great". That was it, I swear. And honestly, I really liked the band. I always send thank you cards and little notes when someone leaves an impression on me. That is just me. Unbeknown to me, He had inquired about me to my friend who threw the party. I told her he seemed nice, but he came with a girl and I don't do drama. Anyway, to make a long story short, the girl was a "friend", not a girlfriend. So we met that following week for a cocktail.

We started seeing each other maybe 1 to 2 times per week. He would call or text me when he was at his shows telling me that he was thinking about me, and couldn't wait to see me. All the things a girl wants to hear. I don't think we went a day without some contact with each other. He travels a lot and is really busy, but seemed to make time to let me know he was thinking about me.

Move forward to the last 30 days. I guess he is SUPER Busy, because I haven't heard from him in over a week.....Believe me, If I called, he would answer. This I know. But I decided about 30 days ago, that regardless of how busy a person is, you can make time to do something that is important to you and he needs to make more of an effort. At least tell that person you are missing them and can't wait to kiss her lips. For God sake, you are a musician, arnt you suppose to be creative and sensitive to this shit ?

Something. Give me something. I have never in my life wondered if a guy liked me. This is why I am so irritated by this one. Why doesn't he like me???? What happened??? And honestly, if it did work out between us, I would have to give up my closet full of high heels, pumps and stilettos, because he isn't that tall........WOW! I feel so much better saying that.

This isn't the only boy that is lingering on my mind, but right now he is the heaviest. Please tell me why ? Any sure fire ways to get over this one, send them my way.

So, Anyway.....
I always have lots to say and not everyone wants to be a good listener. So, why not blog ? It seems like the thing to do nowadays. Right ? Good. Glad we can all agree on that.
A bit about me. I am a mom of 2 great girls who despite the fact that I'm definitely not up for mother of the year award are turning out to be shining stars. You know as a parent you would say that anyway, but honestly they are. Oh, believe me, we have our moments. My oldest just turned 18 and need I say more. Yes, I was 12 when I had her. Just Kidding! Actually, I was 19. Raised her on my own. Put myself through nursing school. Then got married to her stepfather when she was almost 5. I had my second daughter 2 years later. She is 11 and just started middle school. I have been divorced for 4 years and fortunately my x-husband and I get along better now then we did when we were married. Kinda weird how that works out.

I'm not dating anyone seriously at this time. I have some "boys" (that's what they are), that I go out with on occasion. Nothing serious. I dated someone for almost 2 years after my divorce. Can you say rebound ? Now that wasn't very nice, but looking back, I can say that it was a way to get through the divorce and all the bad stuff that happens. Once the drama settled so did we. Anyway, he was 8 years younger than me. No children. And I am not the girl for you if you think that we need to "start a family"......No way! Besides the fact that my girls would have a fit, I am definitely not up for baby's.

I guess you could say that I am a true believer in fairytales. I want to be swept off my feet and treated like a princess. And in return my prince charming would be adored by me in every way possible.....