Monday, August 10, 2009

What Do I Want ?

What do I want? For a relatively simple question the answer is hard for me to answer. With that question I see 2 choices. Which one do I want? When in actuality in needs to be about me and what do I want? Maybe what they both have to offer isn't even what I want. So for clarity and for my sanity I want LOVE. True Love. Deep. Adoring. Can't stand to be without you. LOVE. I know that relationships take work. But I also know and see in real true form that Love can come into your life so quickly that you just might miss it. It doesn't wait for everything to be perfect. It doesn't always display itself as love at first but something that intrigues you and makes you think about where you are standing and who you are standing with. If you take that step and it captures your attention and something keeps pulling you like a magnet in that direction. Do you go? Or do you continue standing where you are?
What I have had for the past 6 months has been good. In the beginning, I would have said that it would be more than it is right now. It's not. But do I give that up? What if it gets better? What if he does Love me? What if he wants "US", but hasn't really made that clear? Does that mean he's not the one?
OR What if this man who has been on my mind for the last week is really it for me? He seems great? I can think about him and see a future so clearly. Am I rolling the dice? Am I making him more than he really is because its lacking with Mr.7? Or is he really someone that I want to walk with? And grow something amazing with? Like a Tree as my wise friend Miss A would say.
When I said love can come quickly I know first hand. Both of my sisters knew with their current husbands that they were IT! Both moved the relationship to the next level so fast that our family was somewhat shocked. They are both happy and in love. Both were dating other people when their spouses came into their lives and it was all very coincidence. I can relate my meeting up with Mr. BHS as being very similar.
The voice that keeps popping in my head is Noah from The Notebook when he was telling Allie "Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?"
So with that being said, I know what I want.

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