Reflections

To say that "Life is Great", would be an understatement. Over the last 3 months I have been dating Mr. Vegas or H, as most of his friends call him. He's was a very unexpected surprise to my life. We have the best times together and because we go way back as friends, it seems like we have know each other forever. This weekend was a very busy one.
With my daughters Cheer competition in Palm Springs to my half-marathon race on Sunday morning and a super bowl party to finish it off. This amazing man just went with it and really kept it all in persepective for me. He truely is my super hero and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. I'm pretty sure my awesome run time of 1:52 had a lot to do with his motivation and desire to see me at my best. Yep, I'm a very lucky girl.

Running Is My Drug

Running had always been one of my greatest loves. It's my escape from the hectic world and my busy mind. I typically try to run 4-5 times per week schedule permitting. When getting over a love lost, running is great therapy. I visualize myself running away from heartbreak with every stride. If guy ended up being a jerk, then every stride becomes my foot smashing his face in the ground. Mean? Maybe. But seems to leave me feeling so much better after. Since I am back to my single girl status, my running has ben amazing. Faster and much stronger. I have signed up for the Long Beach half marathon mid October. I know I will be ready to tackle those 13.1 miles. I will keep you posted.
XoXoX

Question?

Have you ever seen your X in public and thought to yourself, "what the F was I thinking?".
Just had one of those moments.

Man Up!

So after all the "I Love You's" and "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you", Mr. Blind Date, has some "things" to deal with. What are these "things" you ask? Work, financial, past issues. All B.S. If you ask me. Aren't you suppose to lean on the ones you love during difficult times? I thought so. Guess it's just too much for him to deal with. Well, good because last time I checked I was only interested in men not little boys. And men who I can strut my stuff in 4-5 inch stillettos. So there!!!!!
Next!
XoXo

Well that was FUN

Vegas trip was very uneventful. That is not the word I prefer to use when recalling my Vegas weekend. I like words like "bananas" and "out of control" and maybe even "fun". Oh alright, I'm being my normal braty self. Vegas was alright. I guess when your boyfriends sister marries a guy old enough to be her father you can't expect too much excitement. Again, very braty of me and so rude. We layed by the pool, had some cocktails. Gambled a bit. And the highlight was the Flamingo showgirls shakin their little booties topless. Thrilling. Not a single chick even had boobs to shake so it really was rather boring. But now I can say "I have been to a real Vegas show". Whoopeeee!!!!
But I do like Mr. Blind Date. Atleast for right now. The little quirks that we all have, well, his are startin to bug. Back to the I don't know/maybe/maybe not the one, questions in my head.
Chat later.

Vegas with Mr. Blind Date

It's the end of July and perfect weather to go to Vegas. Mr. Blind Date and his sister and her husband and I are heading off to Vegas for a fun weekend. Things are still moving right along with this guy. He is very genuinely sweet to me. It's a nice change from the junk I dated in the past. But let's see how he acts in a place that screams out "sex" and tons of "nudity". Will he get jealous and be all over me or relax and not let his insecurities get the best of him. Don't worry, I'm not gonna go to any extremes to put this guy to the test. But confidence is a big plus when it comes to my physical and emotional attraction to a man. And I need to see him in action.
Let the games begin, Vegas style. :)
XoXo

Just a quick summer recap. Things with Mr. Blind Date, that's his 'code name', are going well. I went to Palm Springs with him and the family and it turned out just fine. It's only been 2 months and he is already planning a long life for us. I'm not sure yet. His "I'm so in love with you's" are nice, but I'm not even close to that yet. Can I really live the rest of my life with a guy who adds Splenda to his coffee??? I don't know if I can. It may seem like no big deal, but years from now could lead to divorce.
So yes, I'm having fun going to the beach and having an admirer on my tail. My mind keeps throwing out questions like "why are you settleing?" or "why don't you get butterflies when you see him?". Maybe I expect too much from Love. Has society made it so unrealistic that no one man will ever meet all my expectations ? I really hope that's not the case. We will see.

Skeptical

So my blind date when well. I'm not gonna lie, he is a bit short for me and my 4-5 inch heels. But overall, seems nice. We have gone out to dinner a few times and hung out. I'm definitely moving slow with this one. He is very outspoken with his, what I like to call, 'infatuation' with me. Always complementing and opening the door for very much a gentlemen. Even sent me flowers already. He's asking me to go away with him and his family, mom included, for a Palm Springs weekend. Seems a bit too soon for all that. But I guess they have had this planned for sometime. Maybe, I'm nor sure yet. Haven't decided if he's the one yet or not. Always thought the 'ONE' would be so obvious to recognize that all my 'maybe's' and 'I don't knows' would totally disappear.

XoXo
P.S. I need to come up with a code name for this guy. Any ideas?

Live and Learn

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. Life is good. Working in pediatrics right now. I like it and it's keeping me on my toes. Never thought I would have the patience to work with kids. Who am I kidding, i'm still lacking in the patience department.
In the love department, not much to talk about. Friends with the Mr. 7 and very happy to have realized that I deserve more. I deserve a man that loves and adores me and isn't afraid to share how he feels about me. Not sure why I was attracted to a 36 year old who wants to be the star DJ at his own house partys every weekend. A guy who's idea of a weekend away also includes sharing a room with all his friends or other couples. What was I thinking??? Live and learn I guess.
So besides that, life is moving right along. I figure when love does show up at my doorstep it will be when I least expect it. And you know how every girl loves a good surprise!!!!

Law of Attraction

Lately, Ive been doing quite a bit of reading regarding the Law of Attraction. Simply put, the Law of Attraction rewards an emotion with an emotion. The reward of hate is hate, and the reward of love is love. We can all live the life we choose to live by attracting what it is that we desire. Its as simple as waking up and making a choice to be happy. To understand that you cannot allow other peoples actions to determine how you feel. We cannot take things personally. Humans are creatures of habit. With certain emotions we always react the same way and yet we wonder why the outcome isnt different. In order to break the habit you need to stop and acknowledge emotions as soon as we feel them. Analyze our emotions. Ask ourselves why we feel a certain way. Think about options before reacting. Then make a choice. A confident choice. In return confidence rewards confidence. It takes time and the ability to recognize your feelings. Ensure that the emotions you choose to release are positive ones. Make choices that will make your life for the better.

What Do I Want ?

What do I want? For a relatively simple question the answer is hard for me to answer. With that question I see 2 choices. Which one do I want? When in actuality in needs to be about me and what do I want? Maybe what they both have to offer isn't even what I want. So for clarity and for my sanity I want LOVE. True Love. Deep. Adoring. Can't stand to be without you. LOVE. I know that relationships take work. But I also know and see in real true form that Love can come into your life so quickly that you just might miss it. It doesn't wait for everything to be perfect. It doesn't always display itself as love at first but something that intrigues you and makes you think about where you are standing and who you are standing with. If you take that step and it captures your attention and something keeps pulling you like a magnet in that direction. Do you go? Or do you continue standing where you are?
What I have had for the past 6 months has been good. In the beginning, I would have said that it would be more than it is right now. It's not. But do I give that up? What if it gets better? What if he does Love me? What if he wants "US", but hasn't really made that clear? Does that mean he's not the one?
OR What if this man who has been on my mind for the last week is really it for me? He seems great? I can think about him and see a future so clearly. Am I rolling the dice? Am I making him more than he really is because its lacking with Mr.7? Or is he really someone that I want to walk with? And grow something amazing with? Like a Tree as my wise friend Miss A would say.
When I said love can come quickly I know first hand. Both of my sisters knew with their current husbands that they were IT! Both moved the relationship to the next level so fast that our family was somewhat shocked. They are both happy and in love. Both were dating other people when their spouses came into their lives and it was all very coincidence. I can relate my meeting up with Mr. BHS as being very similar.
The voice that keeps popping in my head is Noah from The Notebook when he was telling Allie "Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?"
So with that being said, I know what I want.
XoXo,
Cupcake

When Life Asks You Questions & But You Don't Know The Answers

Just when you think you have it together emotionally, something or someone makes you think again. I recently have reconnected with many of my high school friends. Mind you, that its been 20 years since I graduated. I dated the same person all through high school and never even thought about another boy. But the one that has recently captured my attention is a guy who was just nice and sweet. He dated some of the girls I hung out with. Never thought he was attracted to me. Maybe because I was so naive at that time. So for confidential reasons we will call him Mr. BHS (B High School)...
For starters Mr. BHS is way hotter now than 20 years ago. His body is rockin. You could do all your laundry on his washboard abs. His ass. OMG ! But besides the physical aspect (hard to not think about), he is still a nice, sweet guy. We get along. He has a son. He's a great parent. He's very verbal with his feelings about me. Which is a change for me considering Mr.7 doesn't tell me what his inner most thoughts are or about us. Is there an "us".? That's one of my questions that I don't have the answers for. Its been 6 months and we don't talk about the future. We don't have a commitment. We don't have plans. I don't know what he wants with me or from me. I feel like I'm just floating. Caught in midair. Not sure to go up or down. Now jumps in Mr. BHS. He has my attention in a big, big way. We haven't kissed or done anything at all. Just talked. Our kids met and we played video games. That's it. We talk about "what ifs" and "maybes". He knows about Mr.7 kinda, and doesn't ask too much. I think I might be in a pickle. I will keep you posted on my Mr., Mr. issues.
XOXO,
Cupcake

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore

~"Far Away" by Nickleback

Wanting It ALL !

I have to ask, Whats wrong with wanting it all ? Before you answer stop and think about it for a second.... For me, Having my 2 girls and a man who absolutely, adores me all wrapped up in a cute little box (blue, of course) would be the world for me. Hard to believe that's all I want when we live in such a materialistic world. But because we are dealing with hearts and souls, something that money cannot buy, it would be priceless.
My issue is that just when I think I'm on the path to having it all, the little voice inside my head tries so hard to get me to think that it could not possibly be. My relationship with "Mr.7" is moving right along. I feel like we are getting emotionally closer and he is opening up to me more all the time. He really is a great guy and even if it doesn't last forever, he has brought a new perspective to my life and I truly believe that I have grown as a person from knowing him. But nonetheless, I wouldn't mind if he absolutely adored me.... you never know. Open your heart. Open your mind. You might be surprised at what you get and it may be more than you ever thought you needed.

Hello. How have you been ? We haven't chatted lately. I guess when life is stable, I don't feel as strong a need to blog. Things are fairly smooth at this moment. Keeping busy being a single mom and dealing with issues that all moms have (single or not). Working full-time, being a taxi-cab for the kids, a chef, a housekeeper and sometimes a therapist. I also try to fit in time for my own personal/love life, if that is possible.
Still on the up with "Mr. 7". Its been close to 3 months and I do believe the honeymoon is over, but that's okay. Here comes reality. This is who I am. This is who you are. Take it or leave it. This relationship has made me grow as a person. I don't ALWAYS get my way with him. He doesn't give in easily. Very strong character that "Mr. 7". Something this cupcake isn't use too. But exactly what I need. We are pass the "its all about the sex". Actually, in my opinion, we could increase the frequency of that just a bit. Kinda different coming from the women instead of the man that I don't get enough. At least I don't feel like that's ALL it is. Just physical. Its NOT. Somewhere between the last entry and now, I pause when I write this, but think I may be falling in "you know what" with him. ~~~~Oh no !
We are having our first weekend together. Yeah, we have gone away, but always with other couples and friends. I think this will give me an idea of where his heart is. We don't talk about what "our" plans are for "us". Just enjoying the ride for now. But as you know, I am a control freak and like to know what the other person is thinking, feeling. "Mr. 7" knows this and I think he withholds information to keep me on my toes.
I like how this feels. Don't have any complaints. Starting to get that feeling of always wanting him to be part of my life. I don't want to be without him. He brings out the best in me. Isn't that reason enough to want someone in your life ? I think it is.
xoxo~ Cupcake