Running Is My Drug

Running had always been one of my greatest loves. It's my escape from the hectic world and my busy mind. I typically try to run 4-5 times per week schedule permitting. When getting over a love lost, running is great therapy. I visualize myself running away from heartbreak with every stride. If guy ended up being a jerk, then every stride becomes my foot smashing his face in the ground. Mean? Maybe. But seems to leave me feeling so much better after. Since I am back to my single girl status, my running has ben amazing. Faster and much stronger. I have signed up for the Long Beach half marathon mid October. I know I will be ready to tackle those 13.1 miles. I will keep you posted.
XoXoX

Man Up!

So after all the "I Love You's" and "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you", Mr. Blind Date, has some "things" to deal with. What are these "things" you ask? Work, financial, past issues. All B.S. If you ask me. Aren't you suppose to lean on the ones you love during difficult times? I thought so. Guess it's just too much for him to deal with. Well, good because last time I checked I was only interested in men not little boys. And men who I can strut my stuff in 4-5 inch stillettos. So there!!!!!
Next!
XoXo

Live and Learn

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. Life is good. Working in pediatrics right now. I like it and it's keeping me on my toes. Never thought I would have the patience to work with kids. Who am I kidding, i'm still lacking in the patience department.
In the love department, not much to talk about. Friends with the Mr. 7 and very happy to have realized that I deserve more. I deserve a man that loves and adores me and isn't afraid to share how he feels about me. Not sure why I was attracted to a 36 year old who wants to be the star DJ at his own house partys every weekend. A guy who's idea of a weekend away also includes sharing a room with all his friends or other couples. What was I thinking??? Live and learn I guess.
So besides that, life is moving right along. I figure when love does show up at my doorstep it will be when I least expect it. And you know how every girl loves a good surprise!!!!

When Life Asks You Questions & But You Don't Know The Answers

Just when you think you have it together emotionally, something or someone makes you think again. I recently have reconnected with many of my high school friends. Mind you, that its been 20 years since I graduated. I dated the same person all through high school and never even thought about another boy. But the one that has recently captured my attention is a guy who was just nice and sweet. He dated some of the girls I hung out with. Never thought he was attracted to me. Maybe because I was so naive at that time. So for confidential reasons we will call him Mr. BHS (B High School)...
For starters Mr. BHS is way hotter now than 20 years ago. His body is rockin. You could do all your laundry on his washboard abs. His ass. OMG ! But besides the physical aspect (hard to not think about), he is still a nice, sweet guy. We get along. He has a son. He's a great parent. He's very verbal with his feelings about me. Which is a change for me considering Mr.7 doesn't tell me what his inner most thoughts are or about us. Is there an "us".? That's one of my questions that I don't have the answers for. Its been 6 months and we don't talk about the future. We don't have a commitment. We don't have plans. I don't know what he wants with me or from me. I feel like I'm just floating. Caught in midair. Not sure to go up or down. Now jumps in Mr. BHS. He has my attention in a big, big way. We haven't kissed or done anything at all. Just talked. Our kids met and we played video games. That's it. We talk about "what ifs" and "maybes". He knows about Mr.7 kinda, and doesn't ask too much. I think I might be in a pickle. I will keep you posted on my Mr., Mr. issues.
XOXO,
Cupcake

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore

~"Far Away" by Nickleback

Frustrated

Just when you think things are going great life throws you a curve ball and you realize that what you thought was great someone else felt was mediocre. That is what I got smacked with this morning. It really is annoying when asking a question gets turned around as snooping or being nosey. When in fact, its was only a question. Why do men get defensive when you ask them something ? I'm not jealous. I could care less about him going out with friends or whatever, but it always seems like I am invading their privacy.
Without communication, It becomes difficult to remain open and honest with your partner. I don't want to feel like I cant say whats on my mind or ask whats on his. I'm starting to think that his irritation with simple questions is a way for him to keep his distance. Hope that's not the case, but I know I'm getting very frustrated.

Messy Me

Here we are another week gone by since we last chatted. Things are busy as normal for this mom of 2 active girls. Still trying to have a "normal" dating life as well. Mr. 7 and I are back in the swing of things and seem to have made it through another episode of "I don't see you enough". Whoever said that life would ever slow down surly got it messed up. Sometimes I revel in the game of trying to get everything done and still live a happy and full life. In the morning I commit to making that day a Great Day regardless of how much I have on my plate. Seems to be working.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill

Dating A Guy With No Kids

The crazy thing about dating a man with no kids is that he starts to acts like a child himself more than maybe your own kids. He want time. He wants to be held every night. He wants dinners and snacks. He wants to go to the park and occasionally to the playground (adult playground that is). Then when you can't spend time with him, he throws a fit. Gets cranky and probably needs to take a timeout. That is exactly what is happening with Mr.7. He is "frustrated" with me. He can't see me as much as he would like and he misses me. At this point, I'm not really sure how to fix this issue. I am letting it SIT. He hasn't called since yesterday. I emailed him about how much I care about him. No response. I guess I wait. You cant control other peoples feelings and emotions. What I do know is that he cares about me. Those feelings don't just go away. I can only hope that they are strong enough to bring him back my way.

Its a Bunch of Hullabaloo

Hullabaloo. Crazy, Stupid, Confusion. A loud noise or uproar.
That describes my current mental state at this time to a tee. Mr. 7decided last night, after I couldnt meet him for dinner he informed that he was going to dinner with a "persistent and respectful" girl. What the hell does that mean ?
Well, obviously, we are really gonna need to talk. No way does this girl play 2nd fiddle to anyone.
You would think at this time in my life that the men are date would no longer act like boys. Once again, I was proven wrong.

I Think Men Need Specific Instructions

One mistake that I continue to make over and over is to think that a man can understand what I'm saying. I mean they listen, (I think), But do they comprehend the words ? In order for a women's needs to be met as she wishes, its always going to be better just to say it. No matter how embarrassing, or blunt we must be. Men just aren't as good at reading between the lines as us women are.
So as I become more insistent on what is acceptable for me in a relationship and what is not I realize that I have to communicate in a way I have never done before. If I don't, guess what ? I get the same crap I have had in the past.
I've also become less acceptable to flaws that i could look past before. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a Perfect person in every single area, but things that are important to me will not be overlooked. Sometimes that's hard. I may have a great connection but if my needs are not met and I feel incomplete in a certain area, then that relationship may not work for me anymore.
What it comes down to is this. My boy, (Mr. 7), is amazing, fun and easy on the eyes. But I have concerns with his reluctance to meet my family. Not because I'm trying to get him to walk me down the aisle. My reason for wanting him to meet my family, is because my 2 sisters are my best friends. I value their opinion. He knows some of my other girlfriends, why not them ?? Maybe he is nervous or scared. Don't know. Or maybe because he is an only child his value of family is different than mine. Whatever it is, I cant fix his issues on it. I can only worry about me and what will and won't be acceptable for me.

Sometimes the Questions Are Harder Than the Answers

Feeling like your heart is about to be ran over my a Semi, is not the way this girl likes to feel. Thankfully, myself and "the boy", (thinking of a name still), had a nice conversation and seem to be back on track. Its nice to have an adult conversation with someone you care about. Sometimes though, the questions seem to be harder than the answers. Let me explain.
The boy asks "how do you know when your clothes are dry?" What is he talking about ? My response, "the buzzer goes off". He agrees. "How do you know when its daytime ?" he asks. I say "the sun comes up". He shakes his head yes. Then the big one. "How do you know if your in love with someone ?" Hmmm? What ? Now I'm at a loss for words. I stutter. I stumble. I start biting my nails. My mind is spinning. It's quiet...... I'm thinking. Finally I say, I think you know your in love with someone "when you can't picture your life without them". "When you comfortable being yourself", and "When to do nothing would be absolutely amazing". I really felt like those where good signs, right ? Well, I always second guess myself. I decided that after I went I home I should Google this question just to make sure I didn't sound like a total idiot.
Amazingly to my surprise, my answers where all sign that would indicate your in love with someone. The funny part was that the other signs that were listed were things that "the boy" displays.
I found that quite hilarious.......I guess sometimes people asks questions just to confirm their own answers.
Oh, by the way, name for "the boy", "Mr.7"......Don't ask !

Can You Really Meet A Good Guy On A Blind Date ? Yes You Can.

My friend at work set me up with a longtime friend of her husbands. I thought, why not? No expectations. No history. If anything, a new friend. By the way, my sister did marry her husband through a blind date. So there is always a ray of hope.
Anyway, we went to dinner on a Thursday night (not ruining my weekend for this new guy who probably isn't worth a Saturday or Sunday date). Seemed nice. All 4 of us went to a bar/restaurant. Had good conversation. Nothing too amazing. Definetly not head over heels for him. But nice.
After dinner, went back to friends house. I told her I wasn't coming in. I wasn't really feelin the vibe with him.
Just went home. Didn't have much to go on, but he didn't ask for my number. That was wierd. But the next morning he emailed me. And we chatted back and forth and I soon realized that he was Hot for me. And too my shock, I was hot for him as well.
So, its been 4 weeks now and we have seen each other 3-4 times a week. He is learning about all my imperfections and breaking down the walls that only a few have been able to do in the past. Let's hope I can keep this one around. ;o}

Up to Speed

The way it ended with Music boy went a little something like "he ran off to Vegas and got hitched"... Really ? I know. Totally shocker. Was I that blind during the whole dating experience or what. Chalk it up to bad timing. Actually, I'm better without that one. He was too dull and boring for such a hyper chick like me. But why would he NOT want to be with me?? The only thing that got hurt in this relationship was my Ego, and I have 1 less friend on MySpace... Yes, he Deleted me.. Lame.

Is it okay to want "Closure" ?

Okay guys, I had to make the call. I called Music Boy. Yes, I did. I know probably stupid. But I need closure or something. Of course, he didn't answer. Left nice, pleasant message. Asked how he was and wanted to catch up. No irritation or annoyance in my voice. It only took me 3 times to record the message. Had to make sure it was okay. So we wait. The girlfriends said to call. If worse comes to worse I blame it on them.

Seriously, Just tell me if you stopped liking me, or if I kissed you wrong or if me being older than you is just way too intimidating and you want more kids and I don't and anything else to make me absolutely want to vomit at the sound of your voice.

I know I'm crazy and I should just move on, but I need to know that this is it. Done. No More. I promise to stop craving his kisses if he tells me I gross him out.
(Kissing is so Huge in my book, and we Kiss GREAT)....Just tell me something. Please.

Why O' Why ?

I think we need to get to the point here and i'm not exactly sure what that is, but its Saturday night, my kids are not home, and I have nothing to do. Why you ask ? I wish I knew. It's not like I didnt have an offer of a nice quiet dinner with this guy but it would take far to many cocktails for me to find him interesting. ! I can't risk being hungover for Sunday Football.

Maybe, I just can't pick the right man.....But I can't take all the blame. So, maybe they can't pick me. I know he's out there but what the hell? My girlfriends say that I am too good for any of the boys they know. Really ? Don't think so. Yes, I have self-confidence that shines the minute I walk through the door. My daughters guy friends say i'm "HOT". I think I am fun to be around. So where is he ? And why is it when I think this ones a keeper, it ends up being a false alarm.

Let's roll the tape back about 6 months. At a party, given by a good friend of mine. I looked cute, (just thrown that in). They had a great band playing that night. Usually, I say NO to bands. Not this time. Very energetic, fun, kept the party moving. Lead singer kinda sorta hot. Didn't think too much about it, because I saw he came with a girl. But I did notice they had zero chemistry together. Very BLAH ! He talked to me, but honestly not a big deal. Guys do flirt with me quite often, but I didn't think anything of his niceness toward me.
So, 2 days later, I emailed him a quick note. "Thanks for making the party a hit. Your band was great". That was it, I swear. And honestly, I really liked the band. I always send thank you cards and little notes when someone leaves an impression on me. That is just me. Unbeknown to me, He had inquired about me to my friend who threw the party. I told her he seemed nice, but he came with a girl and I don't do drama. Anyway, to make a long story short, the girl was a "friend", not a girlfriend. So we met that following week for a cocktail.

We started seeing each other maybe 1 to 2 times per week. He would call or text me when he was at his shows telling me that he was thinking about me, and couldn't wait to see me. All the things a girl wants to hear. I don't think we went a day without some contact with each other. He travels a lot and is really busy, but seemed to make time to let me know he was thinking about me.

Move forward to the last 30 days. I guess he is SUPER Busy, because I haven't heard from him in over a week.....Believe me, If I called, he would answer. This I know. But I decided about 30 days ago, that regardless of how busy a person is, you can make time to do something that is important to you and he needs to make more of an effort. At least tell that person you are missing them and can't wait to kiss her lips. For God sake, you are a musician, arnt you suppose to be creative and sensitive to this shit ?

Something. Give me something. I have never in my life wondered if a guy liked me. This is why I am so irritated by this one. Why doesn't he like me???? What happened??? And honestly, if it did work out between us, I would have to give up my closet full of high heels, pumps and stilettos, because he isn't that tall........WOW! I feel so much better saying that.

This isn't the only boy that is lingering on my mind, but right now he is the heaviest. Please tell me why ? Any sure fire ways to get over this one, send them my way.