When Life Asks You Questions & But You Don't Know The Answers

Just when you think you have it together emotionally, something or someone makes you think again. I recently have reconnected with many of my high school friends. Mind you, that its been 20 years since I graduated. I dated the same person all through high school and never even thought about another boy. But the one that has recently captured my attention is a guy who was just nice and sweet. He dated some of the girls I hung out with. Never thought he was attracted to me. Maybe because I was so naive at that time. So for confidential reasons we will call him Mr. BHS (B High School)...
For starters Mr. BHS is way hotter now than 20 years ago. His body is rockin. You could do all your laundry on his washboard abs. His ass. OMG ! But besides the physical aspect (hard to not think about), he is still a nice, sweet guy. We get along. He has a son. He's a great parent. He's very verbal with his feelings about me. Which is a change for me considering Mr.7 doesn't tell me what his inner most thoughts are or about us. Is there an "us".? That's one of my questions that I don't have the answers for. Its been 6 months and we don't talk about the future. We don't have a commitment. We don't have plans. I don't know what he wants with me or from me. I feel like I'm just floating. Caught in midair. Not sure to go up or down. Now jumps in Mr. BHS. He has my attention in a big, big way. We haven't kissed or done anything at all. Just talked. Our kids met and we played video games. That's it. We talk about "what ifs" and "maybes". He knows about Mr.7 kinda, and doesn't ask too much. I think I might be in a pickle. I will keep you posted on my Mr., Mr. issues.
XOXO,
Cupcake

Wanting It ALL !

I have to ask, Whats wrong with wanting it all ? Before you answer stop and think about it for a second.... For me, Having my 2 girls and a man who absolutely, adores me all wrapped up in a cute little box (blue, of course) would be the world for me. Hard to believe that's all I want when we live in such a materialistic world. But because we are dealing with hearts and souls, something that money cannot buy, it would be priceless.
My issue is that just when I think I'm on the path to having it all, the little voice inside my head tries so hard to get me to think that it could not possibly be. My relationship with "Mr.7" is moving right along. I feel like we are getting emotionally closer and he is opening up to me more all the time. He really is a great guy and even if it doesn't last forever, he has brought a new perspective to my life and I truly believe that I have grown as a person from knowing him. But nonetheless, I wouldn't mind if he absolutely adored me.... you never know. Open your heart. Open your mind. You might be surprised at what you get and it may be more than you ever thought you needed.

Mommy Can't No Satisfaction

This whole being a single mom and trying to date and have a somewhat normal relationship with the male species has got to be one of the most difficult stunts to pull off. You have to spend "quality" time with your kids that's a given. Your man requires intimacy and time spent with you as well. It starts to become a conflict of schedules when your trying to accomplish everything and still maintain your sanity. Then something else comes into play, for me anyway. I've started to want more from Mr.7. physically (I think you know what I mean). That every other weekend and maybe once or twice during the week just isn't cutting it. Call me crazy, but I have no problem being a "booty-call" once in awhile. I know we care about each other, so I don't think of it in a bad way. I mean how many wife's do you know that give a "courtesy --" to their husbands once in awhile. I know way to many and the ones who don't surely arn't playing their cards right. I'm really struggling with this overwhelming desires to be with him more often. I'm contemplating excuses to get out of the house and take a hour visit to see him
Any suggestions on how to make this crazy life of mine work and keep every one "satisfied" ? xoxo~Cupcake

Messy Me

Here we are another week gone by since we last chatted. Things are busy as normal for this mom of 2 active girls. Still trying to have a "normal" dating life as well. Mr. 7 and I are back in the swing of things and seem to have made it through another episode of "I don't see you enough". Whoever said that life would ever slow down surly got it messed up. Sometimes I revel in the game of trying to get everything done and still live a happy and full life. In the morning I commit to making that day a Great Day regardless of how much I have on my plate. Seems to be working.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill

Dating A Guy With No Kids

The crazy thing about dating a man with no kids is that he starts to acts like a child himself more than maybe your own kids. He want time. He wants to be held every night. He wants dinners and snacks. He wants to go to the park and occasionally to the playground (adult playground that is). Then when you can't spend time with him, he throws a fit. Gets cranky and probably needs to take a timeout. That is exactly what is happening with Mr.7. He is "frustrated" with me. He can't see me as much as he would like and he misses me. At this point, I'm not really sure how to fix this issue. I am letting it SIT. He hasn't called since yesterday. I emailed him about how much I care about him. No response. I guess I wait. You cant control other peoples feelings and emotions. What I do know is that he cares about me. Those feelings don't just go away. I can only hope that they are strong enough to bring him back my way.

Its a Bunch of Hullabaloo

Hullabaloo. Crazy, Stupid, Confusion. A loud noise or uproar.
That describes my current mental state at this time to a tee. Mr. 7decided last night, after I couldnt meet him for dinner he informed that he was going to dinner with a "persistent and respectful" girl. What the hell does that mean ?
Well, obviously, we are really gonna need to talk. No way does this girl play 2nd fiddle to anyone.
You would think at this time in my life that the men are date would no longer act like boys. Once again, I was proven wrong.

I Think Men Need Specific Instructions

One mistake that I continue to make over and over is to think that a man can understand what I'm saying. I mean they listen, (I think), But do they comprehend the words ? In order for a women's needs to be met as she wishes, its always going to be better just to say it. No matter how embarrassing, or blunt we must be. Men just aren't as good at reading between the lines as us women are.
So as I become more insistent on what is acceptable for me in a relationship and what is not I realize that I have to communicate in a way I have never done before. If I don't, guess what ? I get the same crap I have had in the past.
I've also become less acceptable to flaws that i could look past before. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a Perfect person in every single area, but things that are important to me will not be overlooked. Sometimes that's hard. I may have a great connection but if my needs are not met and I feel incomplete in a certain area, then that relationship may not work for me anymore.
What it comes down to is this. My boy, (Mr. 7), is amazing, fun and easy on the eyes. But I have concerns with his reluctance to meet my family. Not because I'm trying to get him to walk me down the aisle. My reason for wanting him to meet my family, is because my 2 sisters are my best friends. I value their opinion. He knows some of my other girlfriends, why not them ?? Maybe he is nervous or scared. Don't know. Or maybe because he is an only child his value of family is different than mine. Whatever it is, I cant fix his issues on it. I can only worry about me and what will and won't be acceptable for me.

Sometimes the Questions Are Harder Than the Answers

Feeling like your heart is about to be ran over my a Semi, is not the way this girl likes to feel. Thankfully, myself and "the boy", (thinking of a name still), had a nice conversation and seem to be back on track. Its nice to have an adult conversation with someone you care about. Sometimes though, the questions seem to be harder than the answers. Let me explain.
The boy asks "how do you know when your clothes are dry?" What is he talking about ? My response, "the buzzer goes off". He agrees. "How do you know when its daytime ?" he asks. I say "the sun comes up". He shakes his head yes. Then the big one. "How do you know if your in love with someone ?" Hmmm? What ? Now I'm at a loss for words. I stutter. I stumble. I start biting my nails. My mind is spinning. It's quiet...... I'm thinking. Finally I say, I think you know your in love with someone "when you can't picture your life without them". "When you comfortable being yourself", and "When to do nothing would be absolutely amazing". I really felt like those where good signs, right ? Well, I always second guess myself. I decided that after I went I home I should Google this question just to make sure I didn't sound like a total idiot.
Amazingly to my surprise, my answers where all sign that would indicate your in love with someone. The funny part was that the other signs that were listed were things that "the boy" displays.
I found that quite hilarious.......I guess sometimes people asks questions just to confirm their own answers.
Oh, by the way, name for "the boy", "Mr.7"......Don't ask !

Is it okay to want "Closure" ?

Okay guys, I had to make the call. I called Music Boy. Yes, I did. I know probably stupid. But I need closure or something. Of course, he didn't answer. Left nice, pleasant message. Asked how he was and wanted to catch up. No irritation or annoyance in my voice. It only took me 3 times to record the message. Had to make sure it was okay. So we wait. The girlfriends said to call. If worse comes to worse I blame it on them.

Seriously, Just tell me if you stopped liking me, or if I kissed you wrong or if me being older than you is just way too intimidating and you want more kids and I don't and anything else to make me absolutely want to vomit at the sound of your voice.

I know I'm crazy and I should just move on, but I need to know that this is it. Done. No More. I promise to stop craving his kisses if he tells me I gross him out.
(Kissing is so Huge in my book, and we Kiss GREAT)....Just tell me something. Please.

So, Anyway.....
I always have lots to say and not everyone wants to be a good listener. So, why not blog ? It seems like the thing to do nowadays. Right ? Good. Glad we can all agree on that.
A bit about me. I am a mom of 2 great girls who despite the fact that I'm definitely not up for mother of the year award are turning out to be shining stars. You know as a parent you would say that anyway, but honestly they are. Oh, believe me, we have our moments. My oldest just turned 18 and need I say more. Yes, I was 12 when I had her. Just Kidding! Actually, I was 19. Raised her on my own. Put myself through nursing school. Then got married to her stepfather when she was almost 5. I had my second daughter 2 years later. She is 11 and just started middle school. I have been divorced for 4 years and fortunately my x-husband and I get along better now then we did when we were married. Kinda weird how that works out.

I'm not dating anyone seriously at this time. I have some "boys" (that's what they are), that I go out with on occasion. Nothing serious. I dated someone for almost 2 years after my divorce. Can you say rebound ? Now that wasn't very nice, but looking back, I can say that it was a way to get through the divorce and all the bad stuff that happens. Once the drama settled so did we. Anyway, he was 8 years younger than me. No children. And I am not the girl for you if you think that we need to "start a family"......No way! Besides the fact that my girls would have a fit, I am definitely not up for baby's.

I guess you could say that I am a true believer in fairytales. I want to be swept off my feet and treated like a princess. And in return my prince charming would be adored by me in every way possible.....