When Life Asks You Questions & But You Don't Know The Answers

Just when you think you have it together emotionally, something or someone makes you think again. I recently have reconnected with many of my high school friends. Mind you, that its been 20 years since I graduated. I dated the same person all through high school and never even thought about another boy. But the one that has recently captured my attention is a guy who was just nice and sweet. He dated some of the girls I hung out with. Never thought he was attracted to me. Maybe because I was so naive at that time. So for confidential reasons we will call him Mr. BHS (B High School)...
For starters Mr. BHS is way hotter now than 20 years ago. His body is rockin. You could do all your laundry on his washboard abs. His ass. OMG ! But besides the physical aspect (hard to not think about), he is still a nice, sweet guy. We get along. He has a son. He's a great parent. He's very verbal with his feelings about me. Which is a change for me considering Mr.7 doesn't tell me what his inner most thoughts are or about us. Is there an "us".? That's one of my questions that I don't have the answers for. Its been 6 months and we don't talk about the future. We don't have a commitment. We don't have plans. I don't know what he wants with me or from me. I feel like I'm just floating. Caught in midair. Not sure to go up or down. Now jumps in Mr. BHS. He has my attention in a big, big way. We haven't kissed or done anything at all. Just talked. Our kids met and we played video games. That's it. We talk about "what ifs" and "maybes". He knows about Mr.7 kinda, and doesn't ask too much. I think I might be in a pickle. I will keep you posted on my Mr., Mr. issues.
XOXO,
Cupcake

Wanting It ALL !

I have to ask, Whats wrong with wanting it all ? Before you answer stop and think about it for a second.... For me, Having my 2 girls and a man who absolutely, adores me all wrapped up in a cute little box (blue, of course) would be the world for me. Hard to believe that's all I want when we live in such a materialistic world. But because we are dealing with hearts and souls, something that money cannot buy, it would be priceless.
My issue is that just when I think I'm on the path to having it all, the little voice inside my head tries so hard to get me to think that it could not possibly be. My relationship with "Mr.7" is moving right along. I feel like we are getting emotionally closer and he is opening up to me more all the time. He really is a great guy and even if it doesn't last forever, he has brought a new perspective to my life and I truly believe that I have grown as a person from knowing him. But nonetheless, I wouldn't mind if he absolutely adored me.... you never know. Open your heart. Open your mind. You might be surprised at what you get and it may be more than you ever thought you needed.

Frustrated

Just when you think things are going great life throws you a curve ball and you realize that what you thought was great someone else felt was mediocre. That is what I got smacked with this morning. It really is annoying when asking a question gets turned around as snooping or being nosey. When in fact, its was only a question. Why do men get defensive when you ask them something ? I'm not jealous. I could care less about him going out with friends or whatever, but it always seems like I am invading their privacy.
Without communication, It becomes difficult to remain open and honest with your partner. I don't want to feel like I cant say whats on my mind or ask whats on his. I'm starting to think that his irritation with simple questions is a way for him to keep his distance. Hope that's not the case, but I know I'm getting very frustrated.

Hello. How have you been ? We haven't chatted lately. I guess when life is stable, I don't feel as strong a need to blog. Things are fairly smooth at this moment. Keeping busy being a single mom and dealing with issues that all moms have (single or not). Working full-time, being a taxi-cab for the kids, a chef, a housekeeper and sometimes a therapist. I also try to fit in time for my own personal/love life, if that is possible.
Still on the up with "Mr. 7". Its been close to 3 months and I do believe the honeymoon is over, but that's okay. Here comes reality. This is who I am. This is who you are. Take it or leave it. This relationship has made me grow as a person. I don't ALWAYS get my way with him. He doesn't give in easily. Very strong character that "Mr. 7". Something this cupcake isn't use too. But exactly what I need. We are pass the "its all about the sex". Actually, in my opinion, we could increase the frequency of that just a bit. Kinda different coming from the women instead of the man that I don't get enough. At least I don't feel like that's ALL it is. Just physical. Its NOT. Somewhere between the last entry and now, I pause when I write this, but think I may be falling in "you know what" with him. ~~~~Oh no !
We are having our first weekend together. Yeah, we have gone away, but always with other couples and friends. I think this will give me an idea of where his heart is. We don't talk about what "our" plans are for "us". Just enjoying the ride for now. But as you know, I am a control freak and like to know what the other person is thinking, feeling. "Mr. 7" knows this and I think he withholds information to keep me on my toes.
I like how this feels. Don't have any complaints. Starting to get that feeling of always wanting him to be part of my life. I don't want to be without him. He brings out the best in me. Isn't that reason enough to want someone in your life ? I think it is.
xoxo~ Cupcake